Sunday, January 07, 2007
4.15am now...just finish watching Girls out loud episode 4....wasn't a lame show after all. Wonder y am i still awake at tis time? Cos cant slp even though i having headache, drank and abit tipsy now. Just not in a good mode, wanted to blog since last year yet just cant find the right time n mood to blog. Today, decide to blog cos my headache n heart ache is keeping me awake.
Feeling abit down recently, work is bored, love life... dun even mention abt it. Now is the low peak season for ppl to take up new shop, luckily i'm still closing deals though not much...*phew* Boring at work, boss and manger not ard for the past two weeks...everyday try to find appt and go out meet client, cos freaking bored and quiet in ofc. Feel like resigning, but don wish to do it in implusive manner. I must tahan n tahan n tahan. Like wat my manager say, as long as i do my best, lord will bless me with good things.
Sometime just don wish to blog abt my life, but yet tt's the only way to vent my anger and let out my unhappinesss, and the only way to tell D* how i feel without getting into a quarrel. Sounds like tt are a miscommunication? Yup, tt's right! I kind to get tired of thinking abt D*, yet i cant stop myself from missing him. D* seems to resemble someone recently===B** . Everyday claiming he is tired yet always out till late, spend less time talking to me, everyday busy at work, seldom meet me for lunch, MIA, always busy with his phone. Is it true tt a person will get more sensitive when her partner means alot to her?
I'm trying...trying hard to be an understanding gf, but don feel tt my trust, respect and understanding is being appreciated.. I know entertaining is part of his job scope, but i cant help but to worry he drink too much n drive. After entertaining for too many nights, he will have bad mood, get impatient, fall sick then don wish to talk to me due to lack of slp. I understand...so i don make a big fuss out of tis. He 's always busy at work, no time to meet me for lunch, msg him...he will reply"cant, sorry darl. I busy now...talk to u ltr". The next thing i know,'darl, i'm gg for drink with boss...very tired but no choice, will try drink less n go hm early, talk to u ltr". Then"darl...i'm high, drank alot...talk to u when i get hm". Then? *Ring*Ring* "Darl, i'm hm...very tired, gg slp now, tomolo then talk to u...nite". I waited whole nite just for these few sentences. Still i respect him n his job. Feeling very unsecure yet afraid tt i'm just being sensitive. Feels like there is someone out there who can make him happier, someone who he is more comfortable with.
To you: I know it is wrong for me to walk away tis evening but i really dun know how to face you. I want to cry, i wan to vent my anger...but i dun wan u to see all tis, so i choose to walk away. It's not easy for me to walk off too, i feel like there are thousands of ants biting my heart...it hurts. I don know wat happen tt makes u lose ur patience with me. You suggetsed Jack's place, but in the end, change ur mind. U say Crystal jade, i say anything. U ask me which one, i say i dun know. We went up 5th flr, i looking at the menu, u ask me whether wan go dwnstair one, i say i dun mind. The next thing i know, u lose ur temper and say" u dun wan eat,say la!" Hello?? I wan to eat, i'm hungry and I"M REALLY HUNGRY but i dun wat to eat. I have no craving for anything, and i dun wish to think cos i having headache but dun wan u to worry.
Wanted to make peace, i took the initiative to sms you, apologise to u. This time, u r different, u dun bother to apologise...tt's not u. It hurts me more, like thousands of bees stinging my heart, it hurts more...regretted msging u. I feels like a loser...really feels like shit.
Feeling abit down recently, work is bored, love life... dun even mention abt it. Now is the low peak season for ppl to take up new shop, luckily i'm still closing deals though not much...*phew* Boring at work, boss and manger not ard for the past two weeks...everyday try to find appt and go out meet client, cos freaking bored and quiet in ofc. Feel like resigning, but don wish to do it in implusive manner. I must tahan n tahan n tahan. Like wat my manager say, as long as i do my best, lord will bless me with good things.
Sometime just don wish to blog abt my life, but yet tt's the only way to vent my anger and let out my unhappinesss, and the only way to tell D* how i feel without getting into a quarrel. Sounds like tt are a miscommunication? Yup, tt's right! I kind to get tired of thinking abt D*, yet i cant stop myself from missing him. D* seems to resemble someone recently===B** . Everyday claiming he is tired yet always out till late, spend less time talking to me, everyday busy at work, seldom meet me for lunch, MIA, always busy with his phone. Is it true tt a person will get more sensitive when her partner means alot to her?
I'm trying...trying hard to be an understanding gf, but don feel tt my trust, respect and understanding is being appreciated.. I know entertaining is part of his job scope, but i cant help but to worry he drink too much n drive. After entertaining for too many nights, he will have bad mood, get impatient, fall sick then don wish to talk to me due to lack of slp. I understand...so i don make a big fuss out of tis. He 's always busy at work, no time to meet me for lunch, msg him...he will reply"cant, sorry darl. I busy now...talk to u ltr". The next thing i know,'darl, i'm gg for drink with boss...very tired but no choice, will try drink less n go hm early, talk to u ltr". Then"darl...i'm high, drank alot...talk to u when i get hm". Then? *Ring*Ring* "Darl, i'm hm...very tired, gg slp now, tomolo then talk to u...nite". I waited whole nite just for these few sentences. Still i respect him n his job. Feeling very unsecure yet afraid tt i'm just being sensitive. Feels like there is someone out there who can make him happier, someone who he is more comfortable with.
To you: I know it is wrong for me to walk away tis evening but i really dun know how to face you. I want to cry, i wan to vent my anger...but i dun wan u to see all tis, so i choose to walk away. It's not easy for me to walk off too, i feel like there are thousands of ants biting my heart...it hurts. I don know wat happen tt makes u lose ur patience with me. You suggetsed Jack's place, but in the end, change ur mind. U say Crystal jade, i say anything. U ask me which one, i say i dun know. We went up 5th flr, i looking at the menu, u ask me whether wan go dwnstair one, i say i dun mind. The next thing i know, u lose ur temper and say" u dun wan eat,say la!" Hello?? I wan to eat, i'm hungry and I"M REALLY HUNGRY but i dun wat to eat. I have no craving for anything, and i dun wish to think cos i having headache but dun wan u to worry.
Wanted to make peace, i took the initiative to sms you, apologise to u. This time, u r different, u dun bother to apologise...tt's not u. It hurts me more, like thousands of bees stinging my heart, it hurts more...regretted msging u. I feels like a loser...really feels like shit.
what we could have been, Sunday, January 07, 2007.
